Pip, Pip, Hooray

Recently my neighbor moved away and left her (indoor) cats abandoned outside in the cold.  The neighbors have all sort of pitched in and have been feeding them, but none of us are really sure what to do with them.  They are a little skittish, but pretty affectionate. They meow and purr for attention, you can tell they were loved, which is why it baffles me that someone would just bail on them like that.  I digress.

One cat in particular really got our attention.  He has sleek gray fur and piercing green eyes.  My daughter became immediately attached to him and for unknown reasons named him Pip. It seems to have stuck. Naturally, she begged me to let her keep him.  NO. WAY.

I share custody of the kids with their dad, and on his weeks, the cats take to me in Emily's stead.  Pip has really turned on the charm with me.  He approaches me gently, purring and meowing, then falls over on his side and starts stretching and rolling around the ground, as if to say, "See how comfortable I am with you?  You should totally adopt me,"   Nope nope nope.

No, cat.  You can't live with us.  Go away.

I don't care how adorable your

 meow is, we aren't adopting you.

I mean it.  I'm totally serious.

I'm not falling for that whole look-how-cute-I-am

 'Nermal' routine, so don't waste your time.

Nope.  Ain't Happenin'.

. . . 

Crap.

Welcome to the family, Pipperoni.

The Enigma of Stigma

I must admit, I’ve been called a lot of B-words in my life.  Both good and bad words, and whether only once or numerous times, most of them have, at some point in my life, been apropos.  Bold, Bright, Beautiful, Bubbly, Bawdy, Ballsy, Beloved, Bizarre, Blonde, Braggy, Butt-head, Bitchy, ...you get the idea. 

 But one B-word in particular seems to subtly invoke a ubiquitous panic within the average members of our society when heard.  This word, in my case, envelops all the aforementioned B-words, as well as lots of other words beginning with other letters.  This word is, in a sense, a good way to describe me.  But what I’m setting out to express in this editorial, is that under no circumstances does it define me.  So, if I am ever going to educate even one person on the subject, I must begin by admitting: 


                                  I am BIPOLAR.


 Cue the collective gasps, pity, and assumptions. I believe those reactionary emotions are why this word has been bastardized; it’s been overused, misused, misunderstood, and seldom defended.  Majority rule on this one, and the consensus view is: bipolarity is a very disturbing thing.

Typically, the average person, upon hearing the B word immediately brings to mind images of Joan Crawford’s Mommy Dearest, Kurt Cobain, Amy Winehouse, Tim Burton, and ‘that one person’ they have ever known personally or heard about who was unstable, dramatic, a danger to themselves or others, and completely unbalanced.  It is this bias that makes people like myself instinctively feel we should be ashamed of ourselves.  I’ve found myself feeling downright uncomfortable letting people know about my disorder, discussing it only among people I trust-- people I know won’t use it to hurt me. When it falls into the wrong hands, it can be used against me and cut like a knife, and unfortunately it has been in the past.  

But it’s so much bigger than simply the disrespect and judgment suffered by we afflicted with Bipolar Disorder.   The stigma is HUGE, and it encompasses ALL forms of Mental Illness.  I am not ashamed of my disorder,  I’m no longer going to make apologies for it, and damn it, I’ve got something to say about it-  so buckle up.

Gasp! Even ‘normal’ people can be mentally ill?
The recent death of Robin Williams affected me greatly and shook me to my very core.  It hit really close to home, as I, myself, am a survivor of suicide and depression.  My heart ached for Robin’s pain, but also felt empathetic relief for his finally escaping that hurt.   We all saw a fair amount of tributes, montages, and favorite memories shared in his honor.  But we also saw or at least heard about a number of people posting negative feedback all over the internet, insulting one of the most genius comedic minds of our time, and I was hurt, as a fellow sufferer.  People called him a selfish coward, or made light of the disease that is depression.  No one has any right to judge what they can’t possibly understand.  No one can comprehend the horror of suicidal depression unless they themselves suffer from it.  Robin Williams did not die ‘of suicide’.  He had an illness: chronic depression. Suicide was a symptom.  He died of depression.  

I played with the idea of blogging on this topic for some time; going back and forth for a while, never really sure what I was waiting for.  Then, a few weeks after Mr. Williams left us,  my empathy for him and concern for his family became so intense, I found my own mental health was taking a negative turn.  Coincidentally, my medications were not properly balanced at the time, and it caused emotional havoc.  I became quite unstable and went into inpatient hospitalization for a couple of weeks for medication stabilization.

It may come as a surprise to some to know that I have actually been institutionalized for mental illness 3 times in my life.  I suffered chronic depression from the time I was 15 years old to 33.  During my 2nd hospitalization, in 2013, I was so completely suicidal that I felt little choice but to undergo ECT (ElectroConvulsive Therapy).  It isn’t always effective, but I was one of the lucky ones and was cured of the depression.  I will, however, remain bipolar for the rest of my life, as it is incurable, but treatable.  In the hospital (all 3 times), I met some of the most amazing people I’ve ever known, and I’ve gained substantial friendships that I would otherwise never have had.  Not to mention, when meeting someone who gets to know and accept you at your worst, that relationship can only get better.  I met people who were there for depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, borderline personality disorder, post traumatic stress disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, and many other diagnoses.   Regardless of the affliction, we all had one collective immutable problem:  We were incredibly misunderstood in life.   Some of us have a great support system of family/friends.  Others had no one.  Some of us even had family that was downright cruel.  But regardless of our respective levels of support, no one in any our lives really ‘got’ us, and that made us all feel terribly lonely inside.  It makes for a depressing life, and it usually snowballs.  I feel a huge detriment to our position is the ignorance of our society as a whole.  The only cure for ignorance is education, and I’ve decided enough is enough.  Given the sobering spark of awareness following the death of Robin Williams, I’ve decided it’s time for me to do my part and speak up for myself and for other sufferers- of any and all mental illness.

Mental illness is exactly that: an illness.  But the stigma that follows is a downright atrocity.  Mentally ill people are forced to endure unfair judgment, cruel rejection, stereotypical labeling, taunting, and just being misunderstood in general.  Mentally ill people are made to feel they aren’t allowed to belong, and should be ashamed for even trying to.  
     This socially reprehensible mentality has got to stop.  If someone had cancer, and was being insulted because of it, the offender would be deemed guilty of morally repugnant behavior by the majority of our society.  “They can’t help they have cancer!”, they’d say. I think the biggest misconception about mentally ill people is that, because our symptoms come out only through our emotions and behaviors,  actions and inactions, people assume we are actually in control of it.  They can be responsible and choose their behavior and attitude.... and we seem to be otherwise ‘normal’, so we must be doing it on purpose, crying for attention, or being self centered and narcissistic.  WRONG.  People who suffer from mental/behavioral/mood disorder have an imbalance in the brain- either chemical, hormonal, or neurological (or any combination thereof), and as our brains dictate our behavioral processes, it is within that imbalance that we experience a malfunction of sorts... causing the subsequent erratic behaviors/inhibitors.  Medically speaking, it is just like every other illness in that, the body is designed to work this way, but XYZ is missing/excessive/defective/insufficient/dysfunctional/etc., so the result is: cancer/diabetes/ASL/etc., or in the case of mental illness: Borderline Personality Disorder/Bipolar Disorder/Depression, etc.

True, the mentally ill usually have free will, typically normal lives, the ability to know right from wrong, etc.  So it may seem they are attempting to play some sort of trump card to sidestep the responsibility of behaving in a socially preferred manner.  A free pass to be lazy and irrisponsible.  Somehow society has come to see mentally ill people as the proverbial 3 year old with arms folded across her chest, holding her breath, and stomping her feet until she gets her way.  
Let me assure you- that couldn’t be any more inaccurate.  We want to be ‘normal’ (whatever normal is...)  Behavioral/Mental/Mood disorders make us act differently.  We are as capable of ‘fixing’ it as is Michael J. Fox of ‘making’ himself sit still.  

When the average person hears the term ‘Mentally ill’, they might typically think:

But diagnostically speaking, THAT is more along the lines of insanity.  I think another huge problem factoring into the stigma is that it has become the consensus assumption that mental illness = insanity.  While it is true that 100% of insane people are mentally ill, most mentally ill people, are actually quite sane.



Many were shocked that Robin Williams was even depressed at all.  “He seemed so normal!”  Depression- (The disease, not the mood we all experience from time to time) is more ‘normal’ than you’d think.  The same is true for many other mental disorders.  Although society is under the collective conclusion that we are ‘broken’ and need to be ‘fixed’, having any sort of mental illness is NOT something of which we should be made to feel ashamed. We are NOT ‘defective’.

Not all mentally-ill people are alike.  We do not all have constant, life-long super erratic behavior- the way the person featured in your most conclusive mental picture does.  But we do all share one common trait: None of us want to be treated like we are infected with some kind of horrifying disease.  


                    A closer look at Bipolar Disorder:

Although I speak on behalf of any and all mentally ill, I can only speak legitimately about Bipolar Disorder and Depression, as these are the only disorders I’ve exprienced personally.  So while the following seems exclusive to my diagnosis, I’m sure much of it rings true for those with other mental conditions. 

We are not so different from someone with Parkinson’s disease, who’s body undergoes very noticeable, even distracting physical behaviors that are very much unlike the average person’s...yet they are still their normal selves inside.  While bipolarity is responsible for some of my behaviors and thought patterns, it is not the sum of my personality.  Because of the enormous misconception of the word Bipolar, it is common place to hear conversations like:

Jane:  “Did you hear about that guy who killed his whole family and then drove to work and committed suicide?  I saw it on the news last night.”
Sally:  “Oh my gosh, no!  What on earth??”
Jane:  “Well, he was bipolar....”
Sally:  (lightbulb) “Ohhhhhhh... well, it figures.  Still, what a shame though...”

While there are certainly severe cases of the disorder, there are SO many variables that go into any one diagnosed person’s life that make it impossible for all of us to suffer the same level of symptoms at the same degrees of severity.  Assuming all bipolars are “messed up”  is as preposterous as assuming all churchgoers are honest.  

If my words can help to educate even one person, I’ve succeeded with this post.  So let’s go over a few facts. 

Fact:  There are different types and many degrees of intensity of Bipolar Disorder.  Not all of us are diagnosed as the most commonly known “Bipolar Manic-Depressive”, and likewise, not all bipolars are depressed or manic. 

Fact: In some cases, it affects the person’s thinking processes, concentration, and learning habits more than it affects their mood or personality.  In some cases, it is the other way around.  Personally, I suffer a bit of both.

Fact:  Not all bipolars need medication.  Some cannot function without medication.  Many have problems with feeling badly, taking medicine and therefore feeling better, and concluding they feel fine now, so they don’t need their medicine, and the cycle repeats.  For people in that situation, family support is crucial to ensure the person understands why taking their prescribed medication is important.

Fact:  There is no cure for bipolar disorder.  It’s as much a part of me as are my eye color and fingerprints. 

Fact:  All bipolars go through a continuous lifelong “cycle”, in which they will have “ups”, “downs”, and “plateaus”.  The thing is, so does every other human being.  The difference in bipolars is either severity of emotions, rapidity of mood changes, duration of mood, ability to ‘snap-out-of-it’, or a combination of any and all of those things. In those who need prescription medication, this is why.  Medication can sometimes reduce the severity of one’s cycle, making them better able to function and manage the more difficult symptoms.

Fact:  Bipolar disorder affects approximately 5.7 million adult Americans, or about 2.6% of the U.S. population age 18 and older every year. (National Institute of Mental Health)
The median age of onset for bipolar disorder is 25 years, although the illness can start in early childhood or as late as the 40's and 50's. (Odds are you probably know more bipolar people than you think.)

Fact: An equal number of men and women develop bipolar illness and it is found in all ages, races, ethnic groups and social classes.

Fact: More than two-thirds of people with bipolar disorder have at least one close relative with the illness or with unipolar major depression, indicating that the disease has a heritable component. (National Institute of Mental Health)

Fact:  Bipolar disorder is the sixth leading cause of disability in the world. (World Health Organization)

Fact:  Bipolar disorder results in 9.2 years reduction in expected life span, and as many as one in five patients with bipolar disorder commits suicide. (National Institute of Mental Health)


Fortunately, awareness of Mental Illness is on the rise, albeit very slowly.  There are foundations and organizations and support groups all with the soul purpose of educating for this cause.  Perhaps most the most notable are The National Alliance for Mental Illness (NAMI) and The National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH).  Some celebrities are speaking out about depression, like Stephen Fry, Jodi Foster, Catherine Zeta Jones, Mary J Blige, J.K. Rowling, and so many more.  It is no wonder so many talented and gifted people suffer from some form of mental illness; as many mental "disorders" are more often mental "enhancements".  Many gifted people maintain that, were it not for their mental state that allows them to think differently, they'd have no great talent. 

Actress Glenn Close created the foundation “Bring Change 2 Mind" with the goal of ending the stigma against mental illness.  Her sister is bipolar, and her nephew is schizophrenic.  If you took the time to read all this, PLEASE take the time to check out her website (link below) and take the pledge to help the cause. (It costs nothing, no donation required.)  The only way things will change is by we as individuals educating each other.  (You don’t have to have an illness to be a part of this movement, and any conversations you may have, armed with this new information, are contributions to our success!)



Edit: 
How fortunate that I chose to hold off on sharing this post until now; It just so happens to be Mental Health Awareness week.  What a happy coincidence!

http://bringchange2mind.org/about-us/our-mission/

http://www.nami.org

http://www.nimh.nih.gov/index.shtml

If you are thinking about harming yourself, or know someone who is, tell someone who can help immediately.

Call your doctor, call 911 or go to a hospital emergency room to get immediate help or ask a friend or family member to help you do these things.

Call the toll-free, 24-hour National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255); TTY: 1-800-799-4TTY (4889) to talk to a trained counselor.

Make sure you or the suicidal person is not left alone.

What in my what-meal?? What kind of blog name is that!!??

Yea, it's a weird title.  But I am a weird person.  With weird kids and weird family.  So, it's apropos, really.  But I'll still explain.

The little boy in the title photo is my 5 year old son, Elliott.  One Saturday morning, not long ago, I fixed him a bowl of oatmeal and left him at the dining room table to eat it while I got breakfast for myself.  After a couple minutes I came back to him, and noticed he had gone to his room, retrieved a handful of legos, and was strategically positioning them around his bowl, IN his uneaten oatmeal.  I had to blink for a minute and make sure I wasn't hallucinating from having just awakened a few minutes earlier.  Nope, he was definitely sticking legos in his bowl.  The ensuing conversation went something like this:

Me:  Uhh...whatcha doin' there, bud?

Ell: (dead serious expression) Putting legos in my oatmeal.

Me:  Well yea, I can see that.  But WHY are you putting legos in your oatmeal?

(He looks me in the eye with a totally incredulous expression, so odd was it for anyone to question what was clearly a brilliant idea on his part....)

Ell: (all in one breath, following an exasperated sigh)  I like the colors of my legos, and my oatmeal was just one color, and it was boring and it drives me crazy because I don't like boring food so I put legos in it so it has colors that I like.

It took everything I had not to laugh at him...but I had to admit he had a point...sort of- in a strange way.  (I guess I'll have to be sure to put slices of colorful fruit in his future bowls of oatmeal!)  Anyway, he let me snap that picture of him, and it was his idea to put the lego on the spoon and pretend he was about to eat it.

  That story is the epitome of the craziness within a typical day in the life of my family.  So there will definitely be more stories like this to come, as well as any random thing that strikes me as 'blog-worthy'.  Recipes, craft ideas, rants on things that get on my nerves, opinions of popular trends, and other vital information for your everyday life.  Stay tuned, I hope to keep you entertained.